


where do we go from here?

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [16]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-it, Episode Related, Guilt, Honesty, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 16 - protectivea fix it from tonight's ep, ben is honest with callum about the shoreditch job
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	where do we go from here?

The silence between them burns with untold truths. 

They’re close, pulled together for warmth or comfort, skin to skin but it feels like there’s miles between them with all the things that have been left unsaid. It feels like they’re stuck at a stalemate, like there’s no way this can move forward until they’re honest, It’s just a question of who breaks first. 

But  _ fuck _ , it’s not like either of them actually want to lie. It’s not an active malicious process, withholding truth for selfish reasons, but instead the most selfless, almost. It’s that primal need to protect, to care, to love one another with everything they are. It’s something that’s always been between them, but this time it’s different- this time they’re both protecting the other from the truth, and it makes things worse in a way. They’re both lying, both too terrified of the truth. 

There’s that question in the air-  _ where do we go from here? _

It seems Ben hears it too because he shifts around, turns the bedside light on and sits up in bed, back against the headboard. There’s a nervous look on his face, staring ahead, but he waits silently, until Callum gets the message and does the same. He shifts himself, keeps the covers protecting his legs from the cool air around them -  _ protecting himself from what he can’t control  _ \- and sits up next to Ben, moves around until their arms are touching again, skin to skin. 

There’s silence for a couple of minutes, then an intake of breath. 

“I want to be honest with you,” Ben says. “I want to be honest, more than anything, so I need to say something and I need you to just let me.” 

There’s nothing Callum can say, but the sentence makes Callum’s heart race. He’s silent, just takes Ben’s hand, squeezes it under the covers. 

“My dad’s got another job. Classic cars, up in Shoreditch. Kat arranged it apparently, desperate for money, I don’t really know the details,” He says, running a thumb across Callum’s knuckles in what only he knows to be a nervous gesture. Nervous of, what, though- he reckons there’s so much. “I’m doing it with him, he needs another driver. It’s a simple job and there shouldn't be anything dangerous about it.” 

He’s not sure what it means when the first thing he thinks is that he’s glad Ben’s being honest with him. Realistically, it’s all he can ask of the man. It’s true that he knew what he was getting into when he got with Ben- he’s a Mitchell, and he would be ignorant if he thought he could change that. The fact that he’s doing this, being honest, it’s a huge thing for him and Callum knows that. 

“Say something,” Ben says quietly, and Callum reckons he’s one of the only people that could hear that fear in his voice. He shifts so that he’s facing Ben, and squeezes his hand. 

“Thank you for being honest,” Callum says, and Ben sighs, relief passing over his face. “I just- I want you to be safe, Ben. I don’t want anything to happen to you. What if- Ben, last time-”

“Cal, listen to me. I promise you, this is airtight. It’s going to be fine,” Ben replies, and for once he looks confident about it. “Trust me.” 

“I do,” Callum replies, no question. There’s so much more of a conversation that they could have, about how Ben’s still doing this, how maybe he’s still trying to prove something but it’s too late in the night for that, and Callum can’t stomach a fight right now. Ben smiles, leans over and presses a kiss to his lips, gentle and warm, and when he pulls away their eyes connect. 

There’s something in them- hesitance, maybe hopefulness, like he’s waiting for Callum to say something. It breaks his heart, because it strikes him that maybe that’s what this is- truth for truth. Ben knows there’s something up, he’s not stupid and Callum’s no good at lying. 

But Callum can’t do it. The truth is so dangerous, could do so much damage that he can’t risk it, doesn’t dare. He takes in the disappointment that he sees in Ben’s eyes when he shifts back into bed and swallows it down, hides it among all of the guilt that’s already boiling in his chest and watches as Ben takes out his processor and follows him, cuddles close instantly. 

Ben pulls him close, presses a kiss to Callum’s forehead. 

“I love you,” he whispers. 

Callum traces the reply on Ben’s chest with a gentle finger and ignores the fact that this feels too much like teetering on the edge of something terrifying. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay i got rambly and metaphorical with this one and i apologise for that but i needed to see this scene so bad like this was such a turning point for ben because he must've told callum like hhhhhhh!!  
> anyways i hope you enjoyed, and comments and kudos mean the absolute world to me!! also if you wanna come and scream about ballum stuff feel free to hit me up on tumblr @artsy-highway :)  
> leo x


End file.
